I have so much on mind right now:

• Do we head up to Hagerstown and visit Michele and do some window/Holiday shopping at the Outlets;
• Do we head up to Hunt Valley , again, and look at all the Christmas decorations at Valley View Farms;
• When is Greg’s ‘letter’ going to arrive in the mail;
• What are the plans for Christmas? Whose family are we going to visit/spend time with;
• What are Greg and I going to do from the 19^th through 21^st; are we going to Delaware

And, then there is all the excitement regarding Adam finally returning the divorce papers with the signature in the proper location (which I forgot to bring to work today so I could make a copy and mail everything out)!!! I am hoping that I will be a divorcee by Christmas because that means I can start 2008 ‘free’ from all the divorce stress and ‘free’ from anything related to Adam, and pretty much a ‘free’ person again. Also, I get my maiden name back (only to give it up, again, in about a year).

To me, this divorce is like an accomplishment. I’ve accomplished true happiness and to learn and feel true love. Sappy, I know, but this is what I am feeling. I have worked hard all of my life and in the relationship that Adam and I had, and I don’t mean just physical work, but mostly emotional. I’m sure I’ve mentioned before about how challenging my childhood was (which was one reason I wanted to put Amelia up for adoption - so she wouldn’t have to go through what I did) and how much work my Mom did (again, not just physical) to support my brother and me. A lot of work, and if you’ve grown up like me, you’ll understand. Don’t get me wrong, I like to work hard for the things that mean a lot to me. Yes, there are the times that I get frustrated and depressed that the ‘work’ keeps piling up (or so it feels at times), but that’s just life. And I honestly wouldn’t want it any other way. I want to feel successful in my accomplishments and challenges; rather than have them resolved by someone else. Everyone learns better, in my opinion, by dealing with life yourself.

I see others out there who seem to have the ‘perfect’ life; they don’t have money worries, they get to buy whatever they want whenever they want (which means it has less meaning to them, in my opinion); they show off their popularity (well, supposed popularity - sometimes these friends seem fake); and brag a lot about the most petty things (again, in my opinion). And, it makes me wonder if these people feel accomplished or proud of their life. I’m sure if I were to ask them they would say yes, but I bet deep down inside they will question themselves.

I guess I’m saying that I am starting to feel proud of the choices I’ve made in my nearly 29 years of life, even the ones that I wish I could have changed. I have been through Hell, many times (have a frequent visitor pass) and I’ve always made it out. And, at this moment in my life, I don’t think I’ll be returning, ever again. As they say, “Everything happens for a reason” or “When one door closes, another one opens”, and even though I argue those sayings and don’t believe in them 100% of the time (a partial realist here), it does give me the hope that maybe those sayings will relate to me one day.

Your response: