Something about Nothing

From start to finish, we spent seven hours out and about.

We had a pretty good time today! The only thing that would make this trip perfect is if the skies were clear and not the cloudy haze that they actually were.

We left the house around 11:15am and we made it back about 6:15pm. Traffic was a bitch in Virginia! As soon as we crossed the the VA/MD line, everything picked up. It was odd.

There really isn’t all that much to write about for the museum, it’s pretty cut and dry; a ‘parking lot’ of older airplanes and a section with astronaut stuff - to put it bluntly. Don’t get me wrong, I actually had a good time, despite my headache and paying nearly $16 for two McDonald’s “value” meals.  And, of course all the pictures are on Flickr. I haven’t titled the pictures because, honestly, I am feeling too lazy at the moment.

Greg and I have been invited to a Holiday Party for Dec 1, all the way out in North East, MD! I haven’t told Greg, yet. It is short notice but I am sure we’re going to go, even though the person hosting the party (and he’s married now) is an old crush/love of mine (we tried the dating thing but I was too afraid to ruin the friendship that we already had). This person and I have been friends since middle school days; and I remember having the biggest crush on him in high school. He’s one of the reasons I joining the marching band even though I didn’t know how to play a single instrument, at the time.  I am looking forward to seeing him and his wife. It’s been nearly 4 years since we’ve last seen each other.

I received a text message from Michele earlier this evening informing me that she’s coming down tomorrow morning because there is another lump in her breast. This girl has already had to lump removals from her breast, both confirmed as cancerous, and she’s had a complete hysterectomy because of cancer and she’s only 34 years old. This girl has been through a lot. And, when she sent me the text message, it reminded me of a thought I had earlier today as Greg and I were on 495 heading to VA; this time in 2005 I was driving in the same direction at least once a week to visit my aunt in the hospital as she was diagnosed with cancer. My aunt was 44 when she died on Dec 5, 2005. Those 7 weeks, from diagnosis to death, were really hard for the family, and those memories came through me earlier. Michele wants me to go with her to the appointment. I told her that I have tomorrow off and I will be there if she wants me to be.

Anyway, moving on…

Tomorrow, Greg and I are planning on visiting the Science Center. We don’t have much of anything else planned at the moment and so far nothing planned for Wednesday. Wednesday will probably be a relax day, or maybe if Greg’s letter arrives in the mail we can do other things. Only time will tell.

Greg and I went up to Valley View Farms today. They weren’t ready for Christmas just yet, but they are getting close and Greg and I are thinking of making another trip sometime in the near future. Also, we talked about making a trip to Valley View Farms a new tradition for us and Amelia. We’re thinking of going up once a year, around Christmas, and letting Amelia pick out her own ornament for the year and Greg and I picking out a special ornament for us as well. Sounds great, huh.

The camera didn’t take very good pictures; it had a hard time focusing due to all the lights. Some came out well, but most didn’t. As usual, you can see all the pictures on Flickr.

This afternoon we spent an hour or more with Grant and his girlfriend, Staria (i think i spelt her name correctly). This was the first time (aside from when we ran into her at the park a few months ago) I actually met Staria. She is so nice! We had a good time talking and the sorts. We were even making fun of Greg and Grant and when they’re going to propose to us! The bar place was quiet and pretty empty for a Sunday afternoon; which was fine and allowed us to have a pretty good time chatting and stuff. The food was 1/2 price too! Greg and I loaded up on the wings; especially since they were $2.25 a pound! After the bar, we headed out to Greg’s oil changed (which was fast as there wasn’t a wait in line) and then we were off to Valley View Farms.

For tomorrow, Greg and I thinking about heading down to Dulles and check out their Air and Space Museum and maybe tour around DC. We’ll have to see how the weather is and I may need to find my jacket. I hate wearing jackets and coats.

This weekend went by so fast! And, I am sure the rest of the week is going to go by even faster. Plus, I am so freaking excited that there is like 37 days left until Christmas. I can’t wait to get Greg’s present (the major one) and I am hoping that I’ll be able to buy another big gift, but it doesn’t look like I can do both - I would need like $500-$600 and I just don’t have the much extra - and I don’t want to put it on the credit cards (even if I have 0% interest).  I’ll just have to pick one and I pretty much have my mind made up on what I am going to get.

Well, I’m already tired from today and I am going to head off to bed early…

These past 24 hours have been so much fun!

After work, on Friday, Greg and I met at Bennigan’s and invited Aaron to join us. We were there for 2+ hours!! The food was good and so were the laughs. I tried to get a hold of my brother but he wasn’t answering his phone. Turns out he’s working some serious overtime for work (everything past Wednesday was all OT; same for last week); Sean is hoping to have enough OT money to buy a projector! We made it home around 9pm and Amelia went to bed (after a bottle) and I was asleep by 11pm.

Today, Saturday, has been full of activity! First, Amelia was up at 7am so Greg brought her into bed with us and we kinda fell back asleep until 8-ish. Then, we ate breakfast and took showers and gave Amelia a bath. Around 11:30am, we head out to Hagerstown. On the way we decide to stop and get my oil changed. While driving Greg and I talk about our future wedding and he’s confirmed that October 10th, 2009is going to be our date (I knew it would be all along). We talked a little more about his proposal idea (which I already know what he’s going to do; but he can still surprise me) and our honeymoon ideas which, so far, includes Greg and me getting away for a few days after the wedding and then having all our friends and family join us for a Christmas cruise. I’m really starting to get into this honeymoon planning stuff - sorta.  The next topic of discussion was what to do for our week off; I bought the The Post yesterday and was flipping through their Weekend section and saw that the National Air and Space Museum has a few exibits coming up and thought Greg might be interested in seeing them (Duh! Of course he is), so we’re thinking of spending a day in DC, a day in Delaware, and going back to Baltimore for the Science Center and another trip to Valley View Farms (this time we won’t go on a Monday as the Science Center is closed). I do know the Sunday before (Nov. 18), we’re joining a group of Greg’s co-workers/friends at some bar in Columbia to hang out and watch a football game. I’m actually looking forward to this get together. Greg’s friends/co-workers are so freaking funny!

We didn’t wait long for Michele, Bob and Chrissy to arrive at Prime Outlets; while Greg was eating a slice of pizza (which was after I had some chinese food), Michele and Bob were playing with Amelia (as usual, all pictures are on Flickr). Once we were all fed and warm, we headed out to the stores. First, we stopped at Carters and bought Amelia a few new outfits, then we headed over to the bookstore where Greg bought three Dr. Seuss books, then we headed over to Lane Bryant where I bought myself a new shirt and pants (which I am wearing as I type and they are so freaking comfortable), then we looked at Big Dogs (I’ve never been into one of these stores before - it was ok), then we headed over to the Timberland store where I bought Greg an early Christmas gift and told Michele about the cruise idea that Greg and I are considering and hinted that she should start saving up (at least I am giving everyone two years advance notice), then we headed over to the Big and Tall store where I bought Greg two new shirts. It was at this point (and nearly three hours later) that we decided to head over to Ryan’s for dinner. On our way to our car (since Michele and them parked on the opposite of where Greg and I parked), I saw a jewlery store and we decided to stop in and look. Whew! was this place expensive (even though they were promoting a 70% of ticketed prices) and the ring that I looked at was nearly $9,000!!! Good thing, for Greg, that I didn’t see anything that I liked.

It was at dinner that Amelia decided to let us know that she was done for the day. Everything started out fine if not great, then all of a sudden Amelia was done. She started crying and screaming and there wasn’t anything that Greg and I could do to sooth or calm her down. So, we left and we were home by 7:30.

This week went by so fast yet so slow. My Grandma kept me busy with the emails by asking a thousand and twelve questions about Amelia and my pending divorce. Grandma told me that she bought Amelia the Fisher Price Bounce and Spin Zebra; I think Amelia will like it.

I can not wait until Friday, the 16th, to pick up our Christmas photos from JCPenny! I still haven’t received the email from SmilesbyWire to inform us of with the pictures will be available. And, of course, with my employer blocking just about every website there is (except for Y! and eBay of all things) I can’t check anymore.

Eh, it’s almost 11pm and I’m getting sleepy. It’s been a long any action packed day. Time for bed.

Even though I’ve already posted about the events of the weekend, I’ve decided to elaborate some more since the two posts were pretty vague.

Saturday was great. Greg and I got to bring Amelia home and visit with my Mom. My Mom already misses Amelia, as she’s told me each time she’s called over the weekend (countless times). My Mom is so excited and happy to finally be a Grandma; she won’t stop telling me how happy she is. She’s told me that she’s been waiting for years to be a Grandma and when I told her in December that I was pregnant, I could probably hear her cries of joy without the phone. When I spoke to Mom on Wednesday, after all the clothes shopping, and she was reconfirming with me that I am able to survive with a baby, I went on to remind her that if it wasn’t for her and Van, I probably wouldn’t have been able to do as much as I did. Especially with rent money for Sean, clothes for Amelia, paying my cell phone (even though I received help from Michele and Greg as well for the cell phone), getting the brakes fixed on the Pontiac (only to have it die a month later) and all the times Van let me ‘borrow’ money from him until the next pay check (though I only did that once in May). Seriously, I would have been a lot worse without my Mom and Van. I honestly don’t know where I would be without them. Which makes me think of my cousin April. Her Mom, my aunt, my Mom’s sister, died in December 2005 from Cancer. The diagnosis was very sudden and too late. Less than a year later, April and I are pregnant and we both have girls. April has a lot of friends and family, more than me, so she has a lot of support, but I feel slightly sad that she doesn’t have her Mom with her like I have mine. Aunt Ellie would have been so excited for April and me. Mom told me that when I told her that I was pregnant the first thing she thought about was calling Aunt Ellie to tell her (even though I told Mom not to tell anyone in the family) and then it sadden Mom because she couldn’t call her sister to share her excitement. I have no idea how my cousin has handled everything regarding not having her Mom around for her first baby; I don’t want to ask. April name her daughter after her Mom, Olivia Ellen. I probably would have done the same if I didn’t have my Mom with me.

Once lunch was done, Mom went her way (she had errands to run) and Greg and I headed home. Greg and I stopped at Target (no shock there) and bought Amelia some socks and more food – she’s in stage three now! – and just window shopped a little. Oh, I bought a new shirt and wore it to the park, so you can see it in the pictures. I like the shirt because it’s very thin and light which is how I prefer my shirts to be but they are hard to find.

We were home by 4:20pm, I called Mom to let her know that we made it home but she didn’t answer. Greg and I didn’t really do much the rest of the day – just hung around the condo, did some laundry and minor cleaning, and played with Amelia.

On Sunday, we were up by 8am, due to Amelia, and tried to figure out what to do for the day. We didn’t have to do any major grocery shopping and everything else was pretty much caught up, so we decided to head to the park. We were going to go a park in Montgomery County (don’t recall the name of it) but decided to go later and do something more local. I can’t wait until Greg and I buy the county pass so we can visit all the parks without having to pay for each visit (the pass is good for one calendar year; not 12 months from when you purchase it so we’re going to wait until Jan 08 to buy the pass). Greg and I never have cash with us; so we stopped at the local Giant in Pasadena to buy applesauce and get an extra $5 for the park.

We parked at our usual parking lot and walked to the pier and took pictures. I miss living on the bay; the breezes are so nice and just hearing the water crash onto the shore is so soothing and relaxing – I spent many summer nights lying in my bed listening to the bay and feeling the breeze through the window as I daydreamed about my crush or what to do for the summer. The summer of 1997 is one I’ll never forget! Once we were done with the pier we headed down to the ‘beach’ and walked along the shore line. I decided that I wanted Amelia in the sand and to see how she reacts to it. She was being cute, of course, and tried to eat the sand, the leaves, the sticks, and what ever she could get her fat fingers on. We did this for a little while, taking pictures and what not of Amelia and me. Afterwards, we just walked around and enjoyed the beautiful views of Fall. This is why I want to get married in the fall, all the colors of the leaves (especially red since it’s my favorite color) the clear blue skies and the cool temperatures makes everything perfect and Greg agrees with me. Moving on, Greg and I went over to the playground; I used the excuse that I wanted to put Amelia on the swings and slide but it was just me that wanted to play on the equipment (such a kid at hear). Due to the car show, the park was pretty busy and all the swings were taken except for one of the kiddie swings. We put Amelia in the swing and she didn’t really react – sadly. I hoping she would be all excited and shriek and squeal but she didn’t, she just sat there looking at the other person in the swing. Afterwards, Greg and I sat at the picnic table and just watched the others play on the equipment and reminisced about our childhood and our favorite things to do when we went to the playground. Not too long later, we headed to the car to go home. Amelia was getting a little cranky (though she would never admit it) and Greg and I where pretty tired from lack of sleep. Amelia fell asleep in the car but was awake before we made it home (she had two very short naps for the day). Once we were home we just chilled. We played with Amelia, talked about how hungry we were and if we wanted to eat an early dinner or have a light snack and then have dinner after 7pm (it was about 4pm when we made it home); we watched some shows on the Food Network (bad idea, as I mentioned to Greg, to watch food shows when you’re hungry); and uploaded my pictures. Around 6:30, we fed Amelia and gave her a bath and she pretty much crashed. She didn’t fuss one bit as I was dressing her and she fell asleep in my arms.

The rest of the night was uneventful – watched TV until 10pm, headed to the bedroom to take my shower and then went to bed. Greg followed suite and we lay in bed talking and then Amelia wakes up. Greg and I debate if we should get her or not… decide to do so and he brings her into bed with us… to which she wakes up and wants to play. Afterwards, Greg puts her back to bed where she fusses for a few minutes and then falls back asleep.

Today, Monday, has been pretty steady. Cousin April and I were emailing back and forth about Halloween plans and what to do and Holiday pictures. Looks like in November we’re going to get together for a photo shoot for the babies.

Also, today I thought about something that makes me really happy and my acceptance of being a Mom: having Amelia brought into bed with me each and every morning and seeing the big smile on her face when I say ‘good morning’ to her. The emotional feeling that comes over me is indescribable and thinking that this ‘routine’ is something that I can look forward to for many years to come. Yes, I really enjoyed the mornings that I could sleep in and be as lazy as possible (last Monday, the 15^th, was great) but those mornings just aren’t the same.

I can not wait until this cycle starts and ends! Last night I was in an argumentive mood (not the whole night, just for about two hours). I was a little cold with Greg on a few conversations; but that all went away by the time we went to bed. Plus I’ve been having more headaches lately and some episodes of light headed-ness.

Lisa called me last night; she’s received her employment packet and is going to start on the 15th! Pitty I won’t be here on her first day (I will be in Delaware), but she is excited as all hell! She says she can’t stop smiling and her happiness shows where she’s currently working and her co-workers are commenting. Someone else who used to work with Lisa and me at PRP works with Lisa; this person we never thought highly of - only because she is so lazy when it comes to work and doing her job. Lisa and I have very high work ethics and this person does not. Anyway, when this person, we’ll call her ’N', found out that Lisa was leaving the company and coming to work with me, ‘N’ became all pissy and jealous, according to Lisa. ‘N’ told Lisa that she was going to submit her resume to here and try to get a job. Lisa and I both laughed and both agreed that we would not recommend ‘N’ to anyone who asked at this place. Besides, this place doesn’t usually hire directly - they go through temp services; it’s just on rare occassions they ask current employees if we know of anyone to refer. Thus began the reunion of Lisa and Jess as co-workers once more!

This Sunday is the October Ralston Social Club and instead of it being in the afternoon, it’s going to be in the morning for a brunch! And, all brunch items will be cooked on the grill! I believe Greg signed us up for pancakes. I am looking forward to this event.

The Condo Guy wrote us back last night and informed us that he’s ordered a new washer/dryer through Best Buy (a place I suggested). As of yet, I have no idea when it’s going to arrive. Hopefully this weekend, preferrably on Saturday. And, hopefully this experiance will be much better than that with Sears. What a nightmare Sears was!

I just realized that Greg and I don’t have any plans this Saturday. We don’t have to run any errands (as of yet); no family event to attend; no party hosting; no deliveries or installations (as of yet); etc. So weird!

Oh! Get this; Brooke is leaving the company (where Greg and her husband, Tim, work). Brooke is a graphic artist. In the department, it’s just her and one other - some guy - which is the reason she’s seeked employment else where. Brooke’s last day is the 11th, a Thursday. She wants to take the 12th, a Friday, off to have a day to get ready for the new job since she starts on the 15th. Well, the other graphic artist asked Brooke if she would work on that Friday so HE could have that day off! Can you believe that!?! Brooke said no.

This week, even though it’s Wednesday, has flown by! The time at work is moving quickly which makes the week move quickly!

Tonight is the season finale of Top Chef, which means it’ll be another late night of TV watching for us.  Lately, we’ve been staying up late watching TV. We haven’t gone to bed before 11pm in nearly a week; which is unusual for us, or at least me.

Well, I’ve delayed this posting long enough. I don’t think there is anything else I can write about for now…

Oh yeah - Greg killed my curiosity - it’s a no. I understand his reasoning but my argument is that it isn’t like we don’t know of each other and such! Oh well.

For some reason my mind is telling me it’s Wednesday. I just can’t seem to get it out of my head! I’ve already made a few mistakes in conversation and misunderstandings in reading dated information. At least the day is moving fast so Wednesday will be here in a few short hours.

The day has gone well. It’s been steady at work, but not overly busy; which is a relief. My friend Lisa should be starting soon and I believe they are going to place her on the marketing team along with me. Lisa will enjoy that (as well as the commissions).

It’s going to be so nice to be working with Lisa again. She and I get along so well. It’s funny how we generally develop the same reviews for people/co-workers. Good thing this place is nothinglike PRP, management or employees. PRP was full of back stabbers. Don’t get me wrong I’ve made some great friends at PRP, but there are a lot of people I will never trust.

I can already feel the effects of the birth control kicking in since this is the last week on the active bills (which means I will be starting my cycle next Thursday). I’ve already warned Greg about the emotional state I may be in for the next couple of days. When I brought this up to Greg his reply was something along the lines of “Already? Didn’t your period just end last week?” and Greg went on to talk about how fast the month of September has gone by. This month hasflown by. A lot of things have gone on; we started a new sitter, Mrs. L; we spent our first full month at the condo; nearly every weekend we’ve waiting for the new washer/dryer; we’ve “witnessed” several accidents on ‘dead-mans exit’; we completed the move and have placed pictures and art on the condo walls; Amelia started crawling; we finally ordered cable/internet services last week; had our first guests over last week (Lisa, Tim and Billy); just to name a few and we have a lot to look forward to: our first fire in the fireplace, Amelia’s first steps; our first Christmas together; Amelia’s first birthday; Greg and my first anniversary; the first snow fall of the season, and so much more. All of which I am sure will happen sooner than I think or realize.

Greg told me something interesting last night, well sorta… Greg received an Y! message from an old friend of his from a few years back, someone that was a FWB; anyway the message from this friend was telling Greg that she saw Greg, Amelia, and I at the local Giant during Labor Day weekend! She didn’t say approach us and Greg doesn’t remember seeing her (and if he did he would have said something to me). Well, I thought it was interesting…

I am really looking forward to this weekend. I think. I don’t know anymore. I am looking forward to going somewhere new but not the car ride. I just want to get out and explore.

Speaking of exploring, Amelia is getting all over the place with the crawling AND she has started to pull herself up onto boxes and what not! All this in two weeks!!! Now, we’re just waiting for her first tooth to come in, which I believe I can see - but apparently I am the only one that can see it.

Well, it’s after 5pm, so I am going to read my Star tabloid…

Greg and I did absolutley nothing today. We didn’t even leave the condo! And, we only got dressed when the pizza delivery person arrived… around 4:45pm. Yeah, we didn’t do a damn thing other than play with Amelia, clean the kitchen, did the laundry, and watch loads of tv. For tv watching, it’s been Top Chef (the catch-up the episodes we missed) and Bridezilla, which has left me speechless. Do girls really act like that?

While watching Bridezilla, Greg and I talked about some of the cpuples and how they were all saying that they have met their soulmates (yet are treating their soulmate like that?!) and bla bla bla… so I asked Greg if he feels that I am his soulmate and he said yes and I asked what made him feel as so and he explained how we have so much in common, agree on a lot of important issues, and we’re both willing to compromise for each other. Greg stated that he’s never felt that either of his other relationships were as deep as ours and that he didn’t feel that until now he’s never met his soulmate. Do I feel that Greg is my soulmate? Yes. Why? Because I feel deep down in my heart, mind, and body that Greg and I were ment to be together, we compliment each other very well and neither one of us has to change who we are to make the other person happy.

Greg and I are thinking/planning another trip to Hagerstown in October to do some more Outlet Shopping. Amelia will need some winter clothes and I could use more clothes as well. Plus, it would be a good trip with the fall seasons change of colors, so that will make some pretty pictures for the Memory Photo Book. Also, I am hoping to visit my friend Michele who lives up there.

Until then…

My friend Lisa came over last night to celebrate the good news! It has been months since Lisa and I last saw each other (I believe it was in March the last time) so we had a lot of ‘ketchup’ to do! Ha ha ha…

We talked a lot about old PRP co-workers; who is where, who is working or isn’t working, etc. It was nice. It’s so much fun to talk about PRP and things related. 

When Lisa arrived I handed over Amelia to her and Amelia looked at her and began to cry (Amelia does the same to Greg’s Mom)! I really hope Amelia isn’t going to be one of those babies that will not let “strangers” hold her… Greg and I loved the fact that Amelia was happy no matter who was holding her… but at the same time this shows that Amelia has become attached to Greg and me and doesn’t like “strangers” holding her… I’ve also noticed that if I leave her sight she begans to get fussy until I pop my head around the corner or come back from the room… it’s just a weird realization that Amelia sees me as hers and her attachement to me… like I said in my last post - becoming a mother is a huge mental and emotional adjustment and I’m still adjusting to all of this.

Moving on…

Lisa and talked about getting together another time and going out for crabs. Last year, she and I went to some place in Glen Burnie called Seaside and had about two dozen crabs and we just chatted away and we want to go back to Seaside or go back to The Jetty on the Eastern Shore (The Jetty has all you can eat crabs and the two times that Lisa and I have been, we ate about 4-6 dozen each time - yeah, we can eat when it comes to crabs). I just hope that Lisa and I are able to do something soon before the crab season ends.

Lisa also talked about her family some and I asked how she’s been since her Mom passed in Feb 06 and with that discussion Lisa told me about an odd thing that happens whenever someone in her family passes: a picture falls from the wall. She told me that when her grandmother, brother, sister, cousin, mother and I believe her father passed - no matter where Lisa was a picture fell off the wall. I thought that was freaky. Lisa also told me that her mother died on the exact day and time that her father died only eleven years apart. Again, freaky.

Lisa also talked about her recent dating experiance and things that are going on in her life. It was really good to see her and just sit down and talk…

And pretty soon, Lisa and I will be seeing each other every day!

Lately (when I have a free moment to myself) I’ve been letting my mind wonder and I’ve done a lot of thinking; thinking about all the things that have happened in the last nine months in my life - how I feel about the events that have occurred, what caused them, and how to improve or keep things as they are.

I’ve noticed that I’ve changed, not a lot, and for the better. I am not as lazy (not referring to just physical, but more emotional) as I once was - not because Amelia is around, but more along the lines that I feel proud of my accomplishments and I want to take care of everything and ’show them off’ so to speak. For instance: I want to keep the condo as clean as possible (not OCD clean) whereas when I was living in the townhouse with Sean and Aaron, I could care less about the appearance or how clean the place was; my car: previously I kept telling everyone I keep my car in the messy state that it was as my anti-theft - meaning that no one would want to go through my car to see if there is anything of value worth stealing, now a days I can’t stand items left in my car and right now it eats at me (very little) that the car is still slightly messy from the move. Those two examples are just a couple of the major events that have occurred in my life in the last nine months: Buying my first car and Greg and I moving in with each other (and all the shit we went through to find a place). 

Then I begin to think about Amelia. I will admit that it wasn’t ‘love at first sight’ with her and it took me some time to accept her and develop those motherly loving feelings. Don’t get me wrong, I never neglected her or felt any resentment towards her, it was just a huge mental and emotional adjustment for me to have her in my life; especially after all the conversations that Greg and I had when we learned that I was pregnant (they weren’t of the positive sort) including putting Amelia up for adoption once she was born; big emotional adjustment here and probably one of the biggest adjustments I’ve every had to make in my life, thus far.

The second major emotional adjustment was due to Greg and he finallyadmitting his feelings for me. Even today I am still adjusting to the fact that he’s in-love with me and tells me!!! After nearly a year of him denying his feelings for me - I knew he had feelings for me and I tried to get him to admit so but he denied it and finally in February he came out (not in that way). Thinking about that night in February still gives me butterflies. But, there are times that I will remember things that he told me before he admitted his feelings and I will bring it up to him and pick his brain as to why he didn’t tell me certain things when I asked the first time.

One night last week, as Greg and I were lying in bed talking, I asked him how many near death experiences he’s had; he told me about his close to drowning experience and the two carbon monoxide events. My only near death experience was in January 2007 (10 days after Amelia was born) when I began to bleed without known reason (later results showed that a part of the placenta was in the uterine lining and had fallen out) and let me tell you that I have never been so scared in my life as I was on January 22 when out fo the blue the bleeding began. I called my doctors office and they told me to wait an hour and call back if the bleeding didn’t slow down or stop (when I called the doctors office, I was in the shower watching all the blood run out of me as if I was peeing) and then I called my mom, hysterical on the phone, and she thought I dropped Amelia down the steps (as that was a fear of mine at the time) and when I told her what was going on she told me to call Greg. I was too afraid to call Greg; I didn’t want to inconvenience him because in my mind  still ’saw’ ‘us’ as just friends and that he still wanted to put Amelia up for adoption (though he didn’t feel like that, but that’s is how I saw things) and by having him come over it would interrupt his work and he would be missing time which would be loosing money… I know, hormones make a girl crazy… but, I called him anyway and he came right over and saw my condition (which he told me at a later time) which was that I was in obvious shock - I had no color in my skin and that my lips and toe nails and finger nails were blue from lack of oxygen and blood - freaky, huh? Greg arrived just before the ambulance did and within 20 minutes I was on my way to the hospital, again. Later, once I was hooked up to TWO IV’s to make up for the fluid loss, and examined, Greg was joking around with me and said something along the lines of:

Greg: “I hope Aaron doesn’t freak out when he gets home…”

Me: “Why?”

Greg: “Because there was so much blood in the townhouse and outside that it looks like a murder was committed. Plus, your car is still out front and there is no baby or you at home - just the blood all over the place.”

Me: “Mmm… good point. Could be an interesting story later, though. Eh, I’m sure he’ll figure things out and know that I’m fine.”

Mom was on her way up so she could explain what happened.

The following morning I was released from the hospital (I stayed the night and received a blood transfusion) and Greg told me that he was going to take two days off of work to take care of me and Amelia (which is when I introduced Greg to Bravo’s Top Chef and we watched all of Season 2 in one day). During that time, at some point, I asked Greg if he was mad at me for asking him to come over on the 22nd and he was like ‘hell no!’ and said that he would have been mad if I HAD NOT of called him. That confused me to no end but life continued. A little over two weeks later, Greg and I had THE TALK and finally talked about our feelings for each other and thus began our real relationship.

There are a few occasions that I ask Greg a thousand and twelve questions about his feelings for me. I also ask him a lot of questions about his past relationships as well (mainly feelings and such), although I’ve been asking fewer and fewer questions as I’ve slowly accepted the fact that Greg and I are together together (not that I had and thoughts or feelings that he was going to leave me to go back to any of exes) - I guess, in a sense, adjusting to the knowledge of the relationship and feelings that Greg and I have for each other is like having something you’ve been wishing to happen actually come true and you’re in disbelief because who ever has a actual wish come true… it’s not that I am insecure about myself or anything or that Greg is with me only because of Amelia… it’s just that I never, in my wildest dreams, expected Greg and I to actually fall in love with each other and plan our future together. Never.

So, with thinking about Every.Single.Thing. that I have been through these past nine months (the crazy hormonal state I was in in March and what I did as a result; the anger I had in June when I learned that Greg and I were not going to move into that first place; the emotional ‘issues’ Greg and I went through about a certain person; and everything in between) I am feeling pretty damn good right now. My life is actually good and happy. I feel like an adult and that I am handling my life and all the situations that have been thrown at me and I’ve succeeded through them and survived without an ill effects on myself or my outlook.  I feel accomplished; as if I just survived one hell of a hurrican and once the storm was over, I still have a place to call home.

I made it.